Guest Post over at Foster2Forever

Today I am guest posting over at Foster2Forever on "Letting Go"

Check the post out HERE.

It's actually ironic when Penny and I were setting up my guest post spot last week she suggested today. Today is the day Little Dude went home. So, of course, I drafted it up days ago and edited a bit last night. If I were to write it today you would probably just get blubbering and sadness. I can't say I feel too much hope in this moment. My heart is sad. But that is okay. It tells me I am a good foster mom. That I leave that foster part out -- that I love them as my own.

I have things to share but for now I am going to hold the little kiddos left in our home... lots.

Still Here

Little Dude is still in our home. CPS decided to postpone moving him until after the hearing next week.

If all goes as they plan, the judge will approve and baby will be going home the next day.

I'll admit I am a little upset that it isn't happening this week. Why? Because I had prepared myself to let go. I had prepared my mind that this was it. That this was the time to be sad and that next week I would seek healing and hope for the future. Now I am living another week with every day as my last this or last that. Last time to snuggle him to sleep. Last time to call and make such and such appointment and be able to say its for my son ____________.

I am grateful for these extra nights because it affords me more time with this little one. More time to rock him to sleep and love on him.

Going Home

Little Dude is going home next week.

My heart aches. He was placed with our family at 4 days old. He's almost 9 months old. I can't even begin to tell you how much I have prayed that he would remain a part of our family. Forever. But sometimes praying isn't enough. Sometimes the Lord has another plan.

I am grateful for the time that we have had with our little boy. I remember when he was fresh and new and tiny -- just over five pounds. His first smile, rolling over... giggles. I also remember the hope. That dream was crashed in December when the paternity test results were in. Daddy wasn't the original named father... but another man. Dad had some issues, some past. We were originally told that baby was going to go to his grandma's by Christmas. Then it was straight to his Dad in January... wait no, February. And on and on. This time it seems though that everything is in order. I have protested and made my voice known. Don't get me wrong. I actually have a pretty good relationship with the bio family. I also, however, recognize the risks and am doing everything I can to protect this little baby from any harm, neglect, etc that could come his way. Because of the time that has been added in foster care the family is better prepared. They are set up for success. Which of course they may very well ruin in just a few years. But I am hopeful that they can be successful. If for no other reason so that Little Dude never has to experience another loss.

I have a big staffing meeting early in the week with CPS, behavioral health, lawyers, family, and so on. I think the meeting is more of a formality than anything. The plan is to return the baby just days later.

Oh, you're probably wondering about Bio Mom. She's doing good. She's in rehab. I have a lot of hope for her. But she has almost a year left in her program. Bio dad and her will have to take it to family court later on to determine all the custody stuff once CPS is out of the picture.

Sigh. This little guy has no clue what is going on. He has no idea how his world is going to be turned upside down....