The Crazy Life of Foster Care

Seriously people, why do they make it so difficult and hectic to be a foster parent? I am convinced families like the Duggars' have less appointments than I do!

Today Tank's case worker with CPS was supposed to come over... she had to cancel, and called me 15 mins. after she should have been here. I guess it's only fair since I sort of cancelled on her last week...

Homeboy's CFT was also cancelled today and rescheduled for later in the week. His CPS Caseworker was out sick as well as the person at the behavioral health place that was providing it. I found out that was cancelled an hour beforehand.

Then early intervention people came to evaluate Homeboy -- yep, delayed. So now this same lady and another lady specifically over speech are going to come over tomorrow AM to do some more evaluations. Really?

Oh and did I mention Homboy has diahhrea? And has had it pretty much since I got him. We thought it was due to a milk allergy. Which it could still be but I've already taken him off of drinking milk (he actually likes Silk soymilk! yay!) and need to take him off everything all together dairy related. They also think he could have some parasite, etc. So now I get to collect stool samples. Just what I wanted to do this week! (sarcasm)

Oh and in less than an hour our new baby boy will be joining the family. So now I get to rearrange our vehicle to fit the 4 carseats... we have a big SUV, but it still will be a lot of work getting little ones into carseats in a third row!

Now that I am exhausted just explaining all of that I should go eat something before Bubba -- I think that's what the new ones name will be. We'll see -- if he's scrawny then we may have to rethink it :)

Another Boy

Yep, we're adding another boy to the family. He'll get here next Tuesday afternoon.

At least it's a baby this time :) He's 10 months old... and moving foster homes due to a relocation out of state.

We are so excited to love on this boy. Yep, I wish he was a girl so I could dress him in pink, but I'll take a baby. And let's face it... I am set on boy clothes for a long time!

Update on Homeboy -- he had an evaluation for development and was tagged as severely delayed in speech and cognitive learning. They want to have someone come over 3 times a week for a few hours each time to work with him. This does not even count what the other early intervention people will throw our way from a seperate agency. Honestly, ladies... I don't know if I can handle all of that. I am already knock down, drag out BUSY... and I just can't be available that much when you factor in that I DO work part time, have other kiddos with different cases and so forth. I hate to disrupt but I feel that it may end up going that way if this is the level of care he needs. I wouldn't want him shorted any of this therapy because I know that he NEEDS it.

These poor little kiddos!

No.

A word I never thought I could say, but I did! I forgot that I hadn't already blogged this. Last Thursday I received a call for a 3 year old BOY. I was really disappointed that it wasn't a baby. I had moments of guilt but ultimately I had to tell the on-call worker that I could not take the placement.

I already have three two year old boys! Once she learned that she was completely understanding... not that she would have given me crap if I had said 'no' with no explanation. I even worried about it enough that I called her back and told her that we did want a placement and not to take us off the list but that at this time  we preferred a baby. She seemed happy to hear that we didn't want to be off the list completely :)

But we still didn't get any other calls....

The call came

Finally a child actually showed up to my door!

I got a call this morning asking me if I'd take a 2 year old BOY. Yep, you read that right BOY.

I know, I know...

He had already been removed from his home and was waiting at the case manager's office. He is sick and has a nasty rash.

He also has not said a single word. He has jibbered a bit but I have not heard a single word since he came.

He is happily playing with my boys and didn't have any trouble at all getting comfortable. I haven't thought of a blog name for him yet... I'll keep you posted. His real name is umm... interesting.

He doesn't want to sit still.

He's already had a bath which he hated. Did I mention the home he was taken from had no electricity or water?? Agh. People! How can this happen to a child?

I am sure that once he gets some food, water (thirsty thirsty kid) and some normalcy he'll be okay.

Except for that talking thing. Cause that's gonna need some intense help. I can already tell!!!

Today's Shopping List: Convertible Carseat, Clothes, Socks, Diapers, Sippy Cups & medicines

(yes, I already have all those things... enough for two boys, not THREE!)

Wish me luck!!

Again

We got another placement call today. To say my heart skipped a beat with joy would be an understatement.

It was a similar situation to the other day. They had a sibling group and asked if I would take two of the kiddos I opted for the 2 year old girl and 1 month old boy. They said it was still a maybe situation. We weren't in the area they wanted (once again) but we were the closest open.

A little over an hour later the agency called back to let me know that CPS went for in home services instead. Which hopefully means that the situation isn't as bad as it could be -- and that means the kids will be safe with some outside support.

Seriously it couldn't happen again could it!? Ugh. Another yes from us only to have the babes not come to our home. I had already figured out car seat placement in our vehicle and how I would rearrange the bedrooms. I was building a shopping list in my head and excited to pull out the baby boy clothes that I have loved so much from our son and our past placement Little Dude.

So here I am... still waiting for the call -- the one where the kids actually come to stay with us!

Placement Calls

I had the feeling that I would get a call today. Of course, I have had that same feeling the past few weeks... so I didn't put much into it. At 4:30 my phone rang and it was our agency... this could only mean one thing.

A placement!

I was offered a sibling group. They had 3 little ones, of course we are only open for 2. They had another foster mom lined up for the 1 that I didn't take. It was three girls 2 and under. And nope, no twins. So I agreed to take whichever two they wanted and even offered to take all 3 if I could get a licensing exception. I was giddy with excitement... girls and babies at that. Sure, yeah -- that is a lot of toddlers when you factor in my 2 year old and 21 month old... but something about a placement call makes me forget the word 'no'.

Well within 10 minutes I got a call back from the agency. They had found a kinship placement for all three girls and their two older siblings - WOWZA! Kinship really is the best and I am happy that all the kiddos can stay together.

But wait she wasn't done... they had another baby.

This time it was an 8 month old girl. Would I like to take her? Yes!! She had some health issues which I was willing to accept and they were most likely due to neglect and not having seen a doctor in some time.

Two hours later I still hadn't received a call from the girl's case manager. I phone the agency worker and found out that they don't have to remove until tomorrow. They also found a placement closer to the child -- still in our county but definately closer than me. So the case manager could choose between the other family and us. Obviously they will choose the other family - but I suppose there is a chance we'll still hear about her.

My heart is sad. I was excited for a little one or more... I said yes to 4 children today and not one of them is in my home. I have never said yes to a call and had the child not come. It's something new to me even if it is common out there in foster land.

This does help me to know that we are in fact on the list and have not been forgotten. That perhaps the Lord wanted to test my willingness and now that I've showed Him -- we'll get the placement(s) that are perfect for us at this time.

Who knows... Now I need to go put away those baby girl clothes I had hauled out of the closets.

Lately

We are still waiting for our placements. Having just the two boys is easy enough. Two terrible two year olds has its own challenges, but overall they are good boys. I keep wondering when the day will come when my phone rings and it'll be someone new for our family.

Waiting is no fun. I also found out that on the placement list it does not state my preferances for a infant and a 3 to 5 year old girl. It simply states that we are open for 2 placements 0 - 8, boy or girl. I guess it was too complicated to put what we want and it is my job just to say no to what won't work for us. That sounds simple in itself however... saying no... especially to a foster kiddo is not easy for me. Saying no to a child above the age of 5 will be the easier part. I know my limits. I am not even sure why they increased my license to that age, oh well.

So there you have it. I may cave and accept a boy or another 2 year old (girl only... cause I'm not that CRAZY). Or a sibling group that is 4 and 1. Who knows... I am leaving it in the Lord's hands and hoping that a little bitty baby makes it to my home. I love the smell of new babies... so pure and innocent.

In other news we are about two weeks away from Tank's permanency hearing. I am excited and nervous all at once. I am not sure what to hope for at this point as far as birth mom is concerned. If she shows will it change things and possibly cause them to not motion for TPR. Or maybe if she shows she will accept the findings and decide that adoption is the best choice for her son and relinquish. I have a feeling she won't be there. It breaks my heart. In so many ways I want her to be fighting for her son. I love him so much -- and I want her to show that love too. I also want him to be ours forever and we have been assured that is what is going to happen b/c it is best for him... but it is a difficult balance. I've learned not to trust anything until it happens...

Approved

We have been approved for an additonal foster kiddo -- so that'll make 3 foster kiddos and 1 bio. The approval also came in at record speed -- less than two business days. I guess we look good in our home study :)

So now we are waiting even a little more. It'd almost be too much to hope for getting a sibling group that falls into our age restrictions (0-6 month old boy/girl and 3-5 year old girl) -- but that's okay. If I can handle what I have done I can handle three different cases, caseworkers and all that it will bring.

I even went out and shopped for the little girl today. I don't have much on hand for that age. When Miss K was with us last summer for a week I didn't have a chance to really buy her anything. Everything that fit her went with her to her kinship care placement. I've asked some friends for clothes/toys that their girls have grown out of so I have some more play clothes for her. It's hard not known how big she will be or anything about her.

Today we are setting up her bedroom. We still haven't kicked Tank out of there. He'll be sharing a room with our bio son once she makes it here. We want the boys to sleep for as long as possible and putting them together may just throw that WAY off.

I know that I shouldn't be hoping for these children to enter foster care. The reality of what that means is scary. Very scary. But putting my head in the sand and ignoring the absolute real need for foster parents isn't going to do anyone any good either. So when a child meeting our specifics enter care we'll be here. Arms and hearts wide open.

Any suggestions for a girl this age? Words of experience on how to deal with the attachment/loss, adjusting to a new home, preschool, activities, friends, working with the family, helping her feel at home...

Miss K, a 3 year old, was only with us for a week. She was beautiful... but she cried a lot. She wanted to be reassured that we wouldn't leave her too. Which made it hard when I did have to leave her with a family member a week later who she hardly knew.

I know this won't be easy but we feel led to it. I feel led to it.

I'm excited... even if I shouldn't be.

Our First Placement

Have you been reading the Mama Mania posts over at The Lark's Nest? If not, you should check it out. Here is a link to today's post.

Did you know May is National Foster Care Month?

Yeah... I didn't until a week ago and I've been a foster mom for over a year. I am glad these little ones are getting a spotlight. I just hope that it causes a little more than lip service... If you have thought of doing foster care ever you should make this month the month to finally call and sign up for classes. There is no commitment or cost. Just check it out, learn some and you never know :)

I decided I wanted to get in on the conversation over on the Mama Mania posts. While I have not been invited to be a part of the panel I thought I could share what my response would be over here.

This week it was about the First Placement Call.

And just like those ladies... I remember it like it was yesterday. We had been licensed for about two weeks. Every time my phone had rang I had been anxious that it may be a placement. I could hardly believe it when it happened. I was home with my son. It was the afternoon and I was making Strawberry Jam. Yep, so domestic. It was an Agency worker calling to see if I would like to accept placement of a newborn girl. YES!! I started crying and the worker told me to breathe and that it would be okay. It was so overwhelming and happy all at once. Within an hour I was in touch with the CPS case manager and she asked me to meet her at the hospital. The baby was born the day before and needed to be discharged. Birth mom and her family were at the hospital at the same time but we didn't meet. I had a friend watch my little boy as I went to pick up this little baby girl. She wasn't so little. In fact, the newborn/premie clothes I brought wouldn't fit! She was over 9 pounds!! She ended up wearing the little pants with her hospital shirt and a blanket home. I remember signing paperwork in a small office and feeling like I couldn't breathe. A nurse and the CPS worker walked me to my car and I drove off with the little one safely tucked in her carseat.

Just like that. Within two hours of placement she was in my home and we were basking in how gorgeous she was. A head FULL of hair! She was with our family for 5 1/2 months before a local tribe stepped in and enforced ICWA. 'Little Miss' our nickname for her would not be returning to her birth family but was placed with a pre-adoptive foster family on the reservation. It broke my heart and still does -- but I am happy that she will have a safe forever family. That is what is most important.