My heart just about melted as our CPS case worker said those words on her visit this week.
"He's home." "Do you realize that? He is home."
It is not lost on me. We entered this foster care arena with the thought that eventually we would adopt. It was not the end all be all of why we were doing it... but in time as I fell in love with child after child I realized that I really did want the relationship to last forever. I still mourn the loss of the little ones that have left us. Especially Little Miss and Little Dude. Their pictures still hang in our home. As if taking them down would be admitting that they are gone. Sigh... but not this one.
This one is a keeper. And not just because he is the first one to become available. But because he is our son. We love him. Can't imagine our lives without him.
This week his father's rights and those of any John Doe's - since the paternity could never be established - were terminated. I mourn for the loss of the relationship he could have had with his son. Or rather that our Tank could have had with him. Not really the every day parenting stuff - but he will never know who he is. Because we don't. We have a name and one picture. A few memories from birth mom - not all of them positive. I feel sad for the boy who will grow up with wonder.
We are accepting of open adoption. In Tank's case it will end up to be more semi-open due to safety issues. With his birth mother we are doing our part to continue and involve her in his life. We even have a birthday visit set up for later this month. We want him to grow up knowing how much we love him. We also want him to grow up knowing who he is, where he came from -- so that he doesn't have those questions and wonders what would have been. Foster care adoption isn't as pretty as domestic adoption - at least from my perspective. I can't tell him that his birth mother loved him so much but knew that she couldn't give him everything so chose us as his family. That isn't how it all happened. Sure, sure we'll rose color it as much as possible while he is young. As he grows up he'll become more aware of why CPS is involved in a family's life. Why a child is taken. And ultimately why they don't go home. I can't hide that from him. What I can do is show him everything good that is in his past and let him see for himself.
We are in love with this child.
Adoption is still a ways off since paperwork seems to take forever. We are hopeful that it will happen before the twins arrive. And if not -- just two more members of the family at the adoption ceremony.
Friday, September 16, 2011
Wednesday, August 31, 2011
Blessed
Well I thought it was time for me to explain a little more on our foster care "break" that we have chosen to make. After Tank's adoption is finalized we will close our foster/adopt license for a minimum of 3 or so years...
Why you ask?
Because we are expecting twins.
Yep :) This mama is pregnant and with two babies at that. This will put our household at 4 kiddos - 3 and under. Which is enough work for anyone right? :)
We are due early next year - most likely February.
Monday, August 29, 2011
Severed
I can't believe it happened this fast.
Today a court hearing was scheduled in Tank's case. I decided to miss it since it was supposed to be on another topic and not too involved. Boy, did I pick the wrong one to miss.
Tank's mom's rights were terminated today. The case plan had already changed to severance and adoption. Her trial was set out for next month but she had an order to appear at today's hearing.
When she didn't show it was just one more strike against her. She also didn't call to confirm for her visit today. She wasn't do anything on her case plan and has only had one visit out of the last 5. She is also reportedly homeless.
No more visits.
Which actually kind of makes me sad for her. I don't think she realized what could happen in one day - I know I didn't. His birthday is coming up so the hubby and I have already decided that we are open to meeting her somewhere public around his birthday. I don't know if she will choose that though.
Bio dad still needs to have his rights severed. They've already completed publication so that shouldn't take much. Hopefully within a few weeks our little boy will be free and legal for adoption. And yes, our adoption homestudy was just completed :) Happiness!
Today a court hearing was scheduled in Tank's case. I decided to miss it since it was supposed to be on another topic and not too involved. Boy, did I pick the wrong one to miss.
Tank's mom's rights were terminated today. The case plan had already changed to severance and adoption. Her trial was set out for next month but she had an order to appear at today's hearing.
When she didn't show it was just one more strike against her. She also didn't call to confirm for her visit today. She wasn't do anything on her case plan and has only had one visit out of the last 5. She is also reportedly homeless.
No more visits.
Which actually kind of makes me sad for her. I don't think she realized what could happen in one day - I know I didn't. His birthday is coming up so the hubby and I have already decided that we are open to meeting her somewhere public around his birthday. I don't know if she will choose that though.
Bio dad still needs to have his rights severed. They've already completed publication so that shouldn't take much. Hopefully within a few weeks our little boy will be free and legal for adoption. And yes, our adoption homestudy was just completed :) Happiness!
Friday, August 5, 2011
Changes
A lot has changed since our last post.
I ended up asking to have Slim and Homeboy moved to other foster homes. Having four little ones under 2 proved to be too much for me. For me it got to the point that I had to choose between my sanity and caring for our two permanent little ones or living life TOO crazy and having all four.
Disruptions are never easy. Slim's caseworker was very supportive. Homeboy's was for the most part - but the Supervisor was not thrilled. She even went as far as to be pretty cruel to my face about it and imply that I didn't care about him. She also stated that she wanted him evaluated again because she felt that he was NOT delayed... at all. Um, hello - two year old with one word and three seperate professionals have decided he is severely speech delayed and mildly cognitively delayed. And yes, he would be having therapies a minimum of 3 times a week, in-home. Grr.
So for now we are not accepting any new placements. And I kind of feel like it will stay that way for at least a year or two. I want to focus on our two boys and take care of our family. Sometimes when we get so super involved with something, albeit noble or worthy, other areas of our life suffer.
Tank is still with us. And will be. Forever. Well, fingers crossed of course.
His birth mom contested the severance and now we will go to Trial sometime in the next few months. She doesn't have a chance, but it doesn't make it any easier. She has missed every visit since she contested and hasn't seen her son in a month. Before the severance hearing we had a chance to talk to her and she seemed to be at peace with the adoption and all that would happen. We assured her that we do want a semi-open adoption and that she would continue to be able to see her son in his life. We haven't nailed out the particulars but we are thinking of letters and pictures a few times a year and a minimum of an annual visit. We also want to have an open relationship with other extended family members.
And did I mention they found his birth father? You know, the one they are in the middle of publishing on? The one they haven't even heard of or known where he was for the past 8 months. Ugh. We'll see what he does. I am not too nervous about that. Hopefully he can see what is best for Tank and be willing to relinquish.
So that's our life. Less chaos. More happiness. Still waiting.
I ended up asking to have Slim and Homeboy moved to other foster homes. Having four little ones under 2 proved to be too much for me. For me it got to the point that I had to choose between my sanity and caring for our two permanent little ones or living life TOO crazy and having all four.
Disruptions are never easy. Slim's caseworker was very supportive. Homeboy's was for the most part - but the Supervisor was not thrilled. She even went as far as to be pretty cruel to my face about it and imply that I didn't care about him. She also stated that she wanted him evaluated again because she felt that he was NOT delayed... at all. Um, hello - two year old with one word and three seperate professionals have decided he is severely speech delayed and mildly cognitively delayed. And yes, he would be having therapies a minimum of 3 times a week, in-home. Grr.
So for now we are not accepting any new placements. And I kind of feel like it will stay that way for at least a year or two. I want to focus on our two boys and take care of our family. Sometimes when we get so super involved with something, albeit noble or worthy, other areas of our life suffer.
Tank is still with us. And will be. Forever. Well, fingers crossed of course.
His birth mom contested the severance and now we will go to Trial sometime in the next few months. She doesn't have a chance, but it doesn't make it any easier. She has missed every visit since she contested and hasn't seen her son in a month. Before the severance hearing we had a chance to talk to her and she seemed to be at peace with the adoption and all that would happen. We assured her that we do want a semi-open adoption and that she would continue to be able to see her son in his life. We haven't nailed out the particulars but we are thinking of letters and pictures a few times a year and a minimum of an annual visit. We also want to have an open relationship with other extended family members.
And did I mention they found his birth father? You know, the one they are in the middle of publishing on? The one they haven't even heard of or known where he was for the past 8 months. Ugh. We'll see what he does. I am not too nervous about that. Hopefully he can see what is best for Tank and be willing to relinquish.
So that's our life. Less chaos. More happiness. Still waiting.
Tuesday, July 19, 2011
The Crazy Life of Foster Care
Seriously people, why do they make it so difficult and hectic to be a foster parent? I am convinced families like the Duggars' have less appointments than I do!
Today Tank's case worker with CPS was supposed to come over... she had to cancel, and called me 15 mins. after she should have been here. I guess it's only fair since I sort of cancelled on her last week...
Homeboy's CFT was also cancelled today and rescheduled for later in the week. His CPS Caseworker was out sick as well as the person at the behavioral health place that was providing it. I found out that was cancelled an hour beforehand.
Then early intervention people came to evaluate Homeboy -- yep, delayed. So now this same lady and another lady specifically over speech are going to come over tomorrow AM to do some more evaluations. Really?
Oh and did I mention Homboy has diahhrea? And has had it pretty much since I got him. We thought it was due to a milk allergy. Which it could still be but I've already taken him off of drinking milk (he actually likes Silk soymilk! yay!) and need to take him off everything all together dairy related. They also think he could have some parasite, etc. So now I get to collect stool samples. Just what I wanted to do this week! (sarcasm)
Oh and in less than an hour our new baby boy will be joining the family. So now I get to rearrange our vehicle to fit the 4 carseats... we have a big SUV, but it still will be a lot of work getting little ones into carseats in a third row!
Now that I am exhausted just explaining all of that I should go eat something before Bubba -- I think that's what the new ones name will be. We'll see -- if he's scrawny then we may have to rethink it :)
Today Tank's case worker with CPS was supposed to come over... she had to cancel, and called me 15 mins. after she should have been here. I guess it's only fair since I sort of cancelled on her last week...
Homeboy's CFT was also cancelled today and rescheduled for later in the week. His CPS Caseworker was out sick as well as the person at the behavioral health place that was providing it. I found out that was cancelled an hour beforehand.
Then early intervention people came to evaluate Homeboy -- yep, delayed. So now this same lady and another lady specifically over speech are going to come over tomorrow AM to do some more evaluations. Really?
Oh and did I mention Homboy has diahhrea? And has had it pretty much since I got him. We thought it was due to a milk allergy. Which it could still be but I've already taken him off of drinking milk (he actually likes Silk soymilk! yay!) and need to take him off everything all together dairy related. They also think he could have some parasite, etc. So now I get to collect stool samples. Just what I wanted to do this week! (sarcasm)
Oh and in less than an hour our new baby boy will be joining the family. So now I get to rearrange our vehicle to fit the 4 carseats... we have a big SUV, but it still will be a lot of work getting little ones into carseats in a third row!
Now that I am exhausted just explaining all of that I should go eat something before Bubba -- I think that's what the new ones name will be. We'll see -- if he's scrawny then we may have to rethink it :)
Wednesday, July 13, 2011
Another Boy
Yep, we're adding another boy to the family. He'll get here next Tuesday afternoon.
At least it's a baby this time :) He's 10 months old... and moving foster homes due to a relocation out of state.
We are so excited to love on this boy. Yep, I wish he was a girl so I could dress him in pink, but I'll take a baby. And let's face it... I am set on boy clothes for a long time!
Update on Homeboy -- he had an evaluation for development and was tagged as severely delayed in speech and cognitive learning. They want to have someone come over 3 times a week for a few hours each time to work with him. This does not even count what the other early intervention people will throw our way from a seperate agency. Honestly, ladies... I don't know if I can handle all of that. I am already knock down, drag out BUSY... and I just can't be available that much when you factor in that I DO work part time, have other kiddos with different cases and so forth. I hate to disrupt but I feel that it may end up going that way if this is the level of care he needs. I wouldn't want him shorted any of this therapy because I know that he NEEDS it.
These poor little kiddos!
Tuesday, July 5, 2011
No.
A word I never thought I could say, but I did! I forgot that I hadn't already blogged this. Last Thursday I received a call for a 3 year old BOY. I was really disappointed that it wasn't a baby. I had moments of guilt but ultimately I had to tell the on-call worker that I could not take the placement.
I already have three two year old boys! Once she learned that she was completely understanding... not that she would have given me crap if I had said 'no' with no explanation. I even worried about it enough that I called her back and told her that we did want a placement and not to take us off the list but that at this time we preferred a baby. She seemed happy to hear that we didn't want to be off the list completely :)
But we still didn't get any other calls....
I already have three two year old boys! Once she learned that she was completely understanding... not that she would have given me crap if I had said 'no' with no explanation. I even worried about it enough that I called her back and told her that we did want a placement and not to take us off the list but that at this time we preferred a baby. She seemed happy to hear that we didn't want to be off the list completely :)
But we still didn't get any other calls....
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