Lately

We are still waiting for our placements. Having just the two boys is easy enough. Two terrible two year olds has its own challenges, but overall they are good boys. I keep wondering when the day will come when my phone rings and it'll be someone new for our family.

Waiting is no fun. I also found out that on the placement list it does not state my preferances for a infant and a 3 to 5 year old girl. It simply states that we are open for 2 placements 0 - 8, boy or girl. I guess it was too complicated to put what we want and it is my job just to say no to what won't work for us. That sounds simple in itself however... saying no... especially to a foster kiddo is not easy for me. Saying no to a child above the age of 5 will be the easier part. I know my limits. I am not even sure why they increased my license to that age, oh well.

So there you have it. I may cave and accept a boy or another 2 year old (girl only... cause I'm not that CRAZY). Or a sibling group that is 4 and 1. Who knows... I am leaving it in the Lord's hands and hoping that a little bitty baby makes it to my home. I love the smell of new babies... so pure and innocent.

In other news we are about two weeks away from Tank's permanency hearing. I am excited and nervous all at once. I am not sure what to hope for at this point as far as birth mom is concerned. If she shows will it change things and possibly cause them to not motion for TPR. Or maybe if she shows she will accept the findings and decide that adoption is the best choice for her son and relinquish. I have a feeling she won't be there. It breaks my heart. In so many ways I want her to be fighting for her son. I love him so much -- and I want her to show that love too. I also want him to be ours forever and we have been assured that is what is going to happen b/c it is best for him... but it is a difficult balance. I've learned not to trust anything until it happens...