Signed. Sealed. Delivered.

He's OURS!

Our adoption for Tank was finalized today! I can't begin to tell you how grateful we are to have him as a part of our forever family. He was full of personality at the adoption hearing and had everyone (including our amazing Judge) giggling!

Our foster journey is not over but for now we aren't accepting any new placements. Between two toddlers who tag-team me throughout the day and two new babies (remember... twins!?)... I am spent. Who knows what the future holds though ;)

I find these posts around the blogosphere particulary interesting... you know, for no reason, right...

Foster2Forever

Another Child to Love

I think we can, I think we can...

Our case is moving along - although it may be at a snail's pace :)

We have met with our adoptions case manager once... soon to be twice! And have completed all the necessary Subsidy paperwork. We hand it over to the case manager in the next week. We've hired an attorney. We've sent them all the documents they've asked for (our birth certificates, marriage license and a copy of the Adoption Certificate). Once the Subsidy Application has been officially filed with the case manager's report the Attorney can file the Petition for Adoption. Since Tank has been with us over a year now (holy cow!) we should be able to get an expedited hearing within 60 days.

It's strange think that this seeming long process could be over in just a few short months. We will be very happy once we have a piece of paper from the Court that says he's ours FOREVER.

And if all that paperwork isn't enough we are also going through our licensing renewal - which should also be done by the end of the month! And don't forget that we are expecting twins in the next month or two. Yep, full on crazy over here.

The boys are getting excited for the babies. Okay, let's face it. They are two. They have no clue what's happening but they sure do get a kick out of my big belly and the fact that it can't be hidden under many of my maternity shirts anymore. It's exciting to know that both boys get to be "big brothers" together. I am excited for the permanency our family will have. What a relief it will be when finalization comes and we are a happy little family of SIX. (And yes, we want more kiddos... just maybe not next week ;))

So that's us in a nutshell. I am loving all the posts that I have read lately on fostering. Even if I am not posting over here I promise you I am reading all of your blogs - quite religiously - courtesy of my Google Reader.

Adoption Certificate

We FINALLY got our adoption certification in the mail today. We turned in all the paperwork and homestudy over a month ago... maybe even two... so we've been waiting all this time for the Court to review it and a Judge to sign off. Yay!

That's one more thing that can be check marked off the list in order to adopt Tank.

At this point we have done EVERYTHING that we can do to make it happen. Now it is just a waiting game for the case to get going in the Adoptions Department. We still have Subsidy paperwork to fill out -- getting paperwork from the doctor/dentist/behavioral health professionals involved to help with this.

We know who are adoptions case manager is - the case has officially transferred over from on-going. Hooray! But we still haven't had our initial "visit"

One question I wanted to put out there for all those adoptive parents - the case file.

I know that we will get to see it. What information should we look for? What do you wish you knew more about? Is there anything you later regretted not knowing that was in there?

So excited that things are moving along!

oh and a twins update -- we're expecting a boy and a girl! so many blessings all at once. The Lord is good :) Even if He likes to choose His own timing in it all...

Shock

Tank's birth father was killed this past week. I can hardly even believe it. I was notified by a few different birth family members just days after it had happened. When I originally got the news I was driving in my car. I nearly had to pull over because I was crying so hard. I couldn't understand why it affected me so much. I was in disbelief and couldn't believe that it was over just like that.

After my last post I think it is apparent that I hoped for a someday reunion for Tank and his birth father. In some ways I had hoped that he would turn his life around and really do something with himself. That someday he would tell our Tank how sorry he was and tell him to be a good man. A good father.

I think I just wanted that opportunity.

And now that has been taken away. Forever.

The details are a bit grey but essentially he was shot multiple times - no suspects, no cause - no other information. I think it is obvious that he was in the wrong place at the wrong time... but I would say that was typical for him from what I have been told. It is so sad.

I am sorry that we now have to share this awful tradgedy with Tank when he is older. All I can do is pray that his birth mother does not meet the same fate. I pray that she changes her life. Does not hold on to bitterness and can stand up for herself and rise above her situation. I can't imagine losing her as well. I want our Tank to have a link to his past.

Yep, total shock.

"He's Home"

My heart just about melted as our CPS case worker said those words on her visit this week.

"He's home." "Do you realize that? He is home."

It is not lost on me. We entered this foster care arena with the thought that eventually we would adopt. It was not the end all be all of why we were doing it... but in time as I fell in love with child after child I realized that I really did want the relationship to last forever. I still mourn the loss of the little ones that have left us. Especially Little Miss and Little Dude. Their pictures still hang in our home. As if taking them down would be admitting that they are gone. Sigh... but not this one.

This one is a keeper. And not just because he is the first one to become available. But because he is our son. We love him. Can't imagine our lives without him.

This week his father's rights and those of any John Doe's - since the paternity could never be established - were terminated. I mourn for the loss of the relationship he could have had with his son. Or rather that our Tank could have had with him. Not really the every day parenting stuff - but he will never know who he is. Because we don't. We have a name and one picture. A few memories from birth mom - not all of them positive. I feel sad for the boy who will grow up with wonder.

We are accepting of open adoption. In Tank's case it will end up to be more semi-open due to safety issues. With his birth mother we are doing our part to continue and involve her in his life. We even have a birthday visit set up for later this month. We want him to grow up knowing how much we love him. We also want him to grow up knowing who he is, where he came from -- so that he doesn't have those questions and wonders what would have been. Foster care adoption isn't as pretty as domestic adoption - at least from my perspective. I can't tell him that his birth mother loved him so much but knew that she couldn't give him everything so chose us as his family. That isn't how it all happened. Sure, sure we'll rose color it as much as possible while he is young. As he grows up he'll become more aware of why CPS is involved in a family's life. Why a child is taken. And ultimately why they don't go home. I can't hide that from him. What I can do is show him everything good that is in his past and let him see for himself.

We are in love with this child.

Adoption is still a ways off since paperwork seems to take forever. We are hopeful that it will happen before the twins arrive. And if not -- just two more members of the family at the adoption ceremony.

Severed

I can't believe it happened this fast.

Today a court hearing was scheduled in Tank's case. I decided to miss it since it was supposed to be on another topic and not too involved. Boy, did I pick the wrong one to miss.

Tank's mom's rights were terminated today. The case plan had already changed to severance and adoption. Her trial was set out for next month but she had an order to appear at today's hearing.

When she didn't show it was just one more strike against her. She also didn't call to confirm for her visit today. She wasn't do anything on her case plan and has only had one visit out of the last 5. She is also reportedly homeless.

No more visits.

Which actually kind of makes me sad for her. I don't think she realized what could happen in one day - I know I didn't. His birthday is coming up so the hubby and I have already decided that we are open to meeting her somewhere public around his birthday. I don't know if she will choose that though.

Bio dad still needs to have his rights severed. They've already completed publication so that shouldn't take much. Hopefully within a few weeks our little boy will be free and legal for adoption. And yes, our adoption homestudy was just completed :) Happiness!

Court Today

As expected Tank's case plan changed to Severance and Adoption today. It was heart breaking to watch his birth mom hear this news. She has been out of contact with everyone for awhile and it was a surprise she was even there. She hadn't been notified prior to the hearing that this would happen. As much as I know that Tank will be loved in our home I definately do not take it lightly to know that her heart is aching right now.

Severance should occur next month and then on to Adoption. They said it could take 6 months to a year. I am hoping we can keep it to 6 months. We would love to be done by Christmas -- what better Christmas gift can you think of!?

My Answer

So I did finally email grandma back. I took advise from all of you and put it together with some of my own thoughts.

I assured her that Tank means so much to us.

That we are happy to have him in our home.

That she is a wonderful grandma and of course is important in his life.

That I don't know anything...

or at least anything I can share. I explained a little bit of the confidentiality stuff.

I told her that there was a hearing at the end of this month.

I told her that if she needed to know more that she or mom need to call the case worker.

She emailed back thanking me for the updates and how good we have been to him. I really do think she wants us to adopt him. For the simple reason probably that I am being open  and that she has met me.

Hopefully we are smooth sailing... towards adoption. Who knows with this foster care stuff though...

Loss of Words

I got an email today from Tank's birth grandmother. We email often so that isn't really the surprise.

The surprise is that she stated that "they know" that Tank will not be returned to the birth mom and they want to know what our plans are (whether or not we are adopting him) and what the process is from here on out.

What do I say?!

Suggestions?! Pretty please.

Lately

We are still waiting for our placements. Having just the two boys is easy enough. Two terrible two year olds has its own challenges, but overall they are good boys. I keep wondering when the day will come when my phone rings and it'll be someone new for our family.

Waiting is no fun. I also found out that on the placement list it does not state my preferances for a infant and a 3 to 5 year old girl. It simply states that we are open for 2 placements 0 - 8, boy or girl. I guess it was too complicated to put what we want and it is my job just to say no to what won't work for us. That sounds simple in itself however... saying no... especially to a foster kiddo is not easy for me. Saying no to a child above the age of 5 will be the easier part. I know my limits. I am not even sure why they increased my license to that age, oh well.

So there you have it. I may cave and accept a boy or another 2 year old (girl only... cause I'm not that CRAZY). Or a sibling group that is 4 and 1. Who knows... I am leaving it in the Lord's hands and hoping that a little bitty baby makes it to my home. I love the smell of new babies... so pure and innocent.

In other news we are about two weeks away from Tank's permanency hearing. I am excited and nervous all at once. I am not sure what to hope for at this point as far as birth mom is concerned. If she shows will it change things and possibly cause them to not motion for TPR. Or maybe if she shows she will accept the findings and decide that adoption is the best choice for her son and relinquish. I have a feeling she won't be there. It breaks my heart. In so many ways I want her to be fighting for her son. I love him so much -- and I want her to show that love too. I also want him to be ours forever and we have been assured that is what is going to happen b/c it is best for him... but it is a difficult balance. I've learned not to trust anything until it happens...

Forever and Ever

I got the "official" phone call today from Tank's CPS Case Manager that they will in fact be going for severance at the next court hearing. She opened the phone call with "I've got some great news!" -- words every foster parent wants to hear. She had told me before that this is what would happen but they had a meeting with their lawyers today and it was decided that adoption is the best thing for Tank.

I am so happy to see the system work! Don't get me wrong... if Tank's mom were doing anything to get him back I would definately encourage that. She isn't. Not one thing at all. I am so grateful that our state has a fast track for permanency. That these kiddos don't have to linger in care developing attachments but not knowing where forever is.

I cannot explain the joy that I feel knowing that I will not have to say goodbye to him. I think I have been fairly open that bonding hasn't come easy with him. He's a dirty, smelly toddler who is full of energy and attitude... not an innocent newborn (which I fall fast for!). But in the past five months my heart has grown to love him. To love the friend that he is to my little boy. To look forward to and expect his little face every day. I love the way that he interacts with my husband. He is a Daddy's boy for sure. And that's okay with me -- because guess what folks... This little boy will grow up with a Mommy and a Daddy who love him very much.

Forever and ever.

I only wish that it could happen quicker than it will -- I am sure it will take a minimum of 6 months if not much longer. It doesn't much matter though -- all that legal and paperwork stuff -- because he's ours. We know it. He knows it.

Waiting & Tank

Waiting.

I really hate it. Patience? What is that?

Every time we are on the "call list" for another foster babe my heart races every time my phone rings... an inevitably falls when it isn't the Agency. We've only been on the list less than 2 weeks. I really shouldn't be antsy already. But I am. I want another babe in the house. At this time we are only accepting a 0 - 6 month old. I already am busy with two almost two year olds (why do they grow up!?) and I couldn't imagine having a third toddler running around the house.

Everyone wants babies. So it could be a long wait. And by long I mean less than 6 months... unfortunately in my state substance abuse seems to be on the rise... and momma's can't seem to kick the habit. So so sad. I am hoping we'll have a new addition this summer. We're also looking into increasing our license to three foster kiddos (its only by our choice that we weren't licensed for more... we have lots of bedrooms and space open.) and if approved opening up for a 3 to 4 year old girl. Yep, I want a girl. These boys are wearing me out!

Oh and Tank. I have hinted, mentioned and some of you may know that we are working on adopting our foster son Tank. Love. him. to. pieces. I'll admit at first I wasn't positive I wanted to adopt. I had concerns about 'artificially twinning' my kiddos. Our son is only a few months older. In the end it doesn't matter. We love him. And what better place can he be than a home filled with LOVE?! We don't have court for another month. Case plan will officially be changed to Adoption at that time. His birth mom is hit and miss with her visits. Today was the first time she saw him in two weeks. She isn't working on any of her other services. Like at all. We are hoping to have a semi-open adoption with his birth family. We'll see how it goes! I have no idea how long it will take us to get finalized... this is the first forever foster placement for us.

We are excited!