Quick Question

Yes, I know... I haven't blogged in what seems like forever. And I definitely owe anyone who is still reading this little blog an update :)

First though I have a question for all of you :)

I have a good friend that would like to foster. (Thank you Mama Foster, Tammy over at I Must be Trippin, and Maggie at Popp Life for your posts this past week! I forwarded them around and see what happens ;))

My friend lives in Washington State.

Can anyone recommend her best route to become a foster parent in that state? It appears you can foster through the State or through private agencies. We know what we have found online... we just wanted a little personal experience to help out. So if you or someone you know fosters in WA -- please let us know through which Agency and how they have liked it :)

Thank you!

Feel free to leave comments on this post or email me over at fostermamajulie [at] gmail

Adoption Certificate

We FINALLY got our adoption certification in the mail today. We turned in all the paperwork and homestudy over a month ago... maybe even two... so we've been waiting all this time for the Court to review it and a Judge to sign off. Yay!

That's one more thing that can be check marked off the list in order to adopt Tank.

At this point we have done EVERYTHING that we can do to make it happen. Now it is just a waiting game for the case to get going in the Adoptions Department. We still have Subsidy paperwork to fill out -- getting paperwork from the doctor/dentist/behavioral health professionals involved to help with this.

We know who are adoptions case manager is - the case has officially transferred over from on-going. Hooray! But we still haven't had our initial "visit"

One question I wanted to put out there for all those adoptive parents - the case file.

I know that we will get to see it. What information should we look for? What do you wish you knew more about? Is there anything you later regretted not knowing that was in there?

So excited that things are moving along!

oh and a twins update -- we're expecting a boy and a girl! so many blessings all at once. The Lord is good :) Even if He likes to choose His own timing in it all...

Shock

Tank's birth father was killed this past week. I can hardly even believe it. I was notified by a few different birth family members just days after it had happened. When I originally got the news I was driving in my car. I nearly had to pull over because I was crying so hard. I couldn't understand why it affected me so much. I was in disbelief and couldn't believe that it was over just like that.

After my last post I think it is apparent that I hoped for a someday reunion for Tank and his birth father. In some ways I had hoped that he would turn his life around and really do something with himself. That someday he would tell our Tank how sorry he was and tell him to be a good man. A good father.

I think I just wanted that opportunity.

And now that has been taken away. Forever.

The details are a bit grey but essentially he was shot multiple times - no suspects, no cause - no other information. I think it is obvious that he was in the wrong place at the wrong time... but I would say that was typical for him from what I have been told. It is so sad.

I am sorry that we now have to share this awful tradgedy with Tank when he is older. All I can do is pray that his birth mother does not meet the same fate. I pray that she changes her life. Does not hold on to bitterness and can stand up for herself and rise above her situation. I can't imagine losing her as well. I want our Tank to have a link to his past.

Yep, total shock.

"He's Home"

My heart just about melted as our CPS case worker said those words on her visit this week.

"He's home." "Do you realize that? He is home."

It is not lost on me. We entered this foster care arena with the thought that eventually we would adopt. It was not the end all be all of why we were doing it... but in time as I fell in love with child after child I realized that I really did want the relationship to last forever. I still mourn the loss of the little ones that have left us. Especially Little Miss and Little Dude. Their pictures still hang in our home. As if taking them down would be admitting that they are gone. Sigh... but not this one.

This one is a keeper. And not just because he is the first one to become available. But because he is our son. We love him. Can't imagine our lives without him.

This week his father's rights and those of any John Doe's - since the paternity could never be established - were terminated. I mourn for the loss of the relationship he could have had with his son. Or rather that our Tank could have had with him. Not really the every day parenting stuff - but he will never know who he is. Because we don't. We have a name and one picture. A few memories from birth mom - not all of them positive. I feel sad for the boy who will grow up with wonder.

We are accepting of open adoption. In Tank's case it will end up to be more semi-open due to safety issues. With his birth mother we are doing our part to continue and involve her in his life. We even have a birthday visit set up for later this month. We want him to grow up knowing how much we love him. We also want him to grow up knowing who he is, where he came from -- so that he doesn't have those questions and wonders what would have been. Foster care adoption isn't as pretty as domestic adoption - at least from my perspective. I can't tell him that his birth mother loved him so much but knew that she couldn't give him everything so chose us as his family. That isn't how it all happened. Sure, sure we'll rose color it as much as possible while he is young. As he grows up he'll become more aware of why CPS is involved in a family's life. Why a child is taken. And ultimately why they don't go home. I can't hide that from him. What I can do is show him everything good that is in his past and let him see for himself.

We are in love with this child.

Adoption is still a ways off since paperwork seems to take forever. We are hopeful that it will happen before the twins arrive. And if not -- just two more members of the family at the adoption ceremony.

Blessed

Well I thought it was time for me to explain a little more on our foster care "break" that we have chosen to make. After Tank's adoption is finalized we will close our foster/adopt license for a minimum of 3 or so years...

Why you ask?

Because we are expecting twins.

Yep :) This mama is pregnant and with two babies at that. This will put our household at 4 kiddos - 3 and under. Which is enough work for anyone right? :)

We are due early next year - most likely February.

Severed

I can't believe it happened this fast.

Today a court hearing was scheduled in Tank's case. I decided to miss it since it was supposed to be on another topic and not too involved. Boy, did I pick the wrong one to miss.

Tank's mom's rights were terminated today. The case plan had already changed to severance and adoption. Her trial was set out for next month but she had an order to appear at today's hearing.

When she didn't show it was just one more strike against her. She also didn't call to confirm for her visit today. She wasn't do anything on her case plan and has only had one visit out of the last 5. She is also reportedly homeless.

No more visits.

Which actually kind of makes me sad for her. I don't think she realized what could happen in one day - I know I didn't. His birthday is coming up so the hubby and I have already decided that we are open to meeting her somewhere public around his birthday. I don't know if she will choose that though.

Bio dad still needs to have his rights severed. They've already completed publication so that shouldn't take much. Hopefully within a few weeks our little boy will be free and legal for adoption. And yes, our adoption homestudy was just completed :) Happiness!

Changes

A lot has changed since our last post.

I ended up asking to have Slim and Homeboy moved to other foster homes. Having four little ones under 2 proved to be too much for me. For me it got to the point that I had to choose between my sanity and caring for our two permanent little ones or living life TOO crazy and having all four.

Disruptions are never easy. Slim's caseworker was very supportive. Homeboy's was for the most part - but the Supervisor was not thrilled. She even went as far as to be pretty cruel to my face about it and imply that I didn't care about him. She also stated that she wanted him evaluated again because she felt that he was NOT delayed... at all. Um, hello - two year old with one word and three seperate professionals have decided he is severely speech delayed and mildly cognitively delayed. And yes, he would be having therapies a minimum of 3 times a week, in-home. Grr.

So for now we are not accepting any new placements. And I kind of feel like it will stay that way for at least a year or two. I want to focus on our two boys and take care of our family. Sometimes when we get so super involved with something, albeit noble or worthy, other areas of our life suffer.

Tank is still with us. And will be. Forever. Well, fingers crossed of course.

His birth mom contested the severance and now we will go to Trial sometime in the next few months. She doesn't have a chance, but it doesn't make it any easier. She has missed every visit since she contested and hasn't seen her son in a month. Before the severance hearing we had a chance to talk to her and she seemed to be at peace with the adoption and all that would happen. We assured her that we do want a semi-open adoption and that she would continue to be able to see her son in his life. We haven't nailed out the particulars but we are thinking of letters and pictures a few times a year and a minimum of an annual visit. We also want to have an open relationship with other extended family members.

And did I mention they found his birth father? You know, the one they are in the middle of publishing on? The one they haven't even heard of or known where he was for the past 8 months. Ugh. We'll see what he does. I am not too nervous about that. Hopefully he can see what is best for Tank and be willing to relinquish.

So that's our life. Less chaos. More happiness. Still waiting.